If cats could talk, they’d probably have a lot to say. They manage to tell us a lot without words and do a good job of getting what they want from us with their own mysterious ways of communicating. But can you imagine if they could talk like humans? We’d probably be in big trouble. Maybe it’s for the best that they can’t speak. Here are 10 things your cat has been meaning to tell you, if only they could find the words.
1. “You keep taking my poop. That’s weird.”
I’m sure your kitty appreciates a clean litter box, but your daily obsession with poop collection is just a bit odd, don’t you think?
2. “Keep petting me. I’ll bite when you should stop.”
Even if your cat could just tell you to stop when they’ve had enough pets, what would be the fun in that? It’s better to keep up the element of surprise with a nice, quick nip to the fingers.
3. “I find your lack of appreciation for dead animals disturbing.”
Your kitty works hard collecting dead animals for you, but you don’t seem to show these gifts the proper appreciation. This is most unusual for your cat.
4. “Reveal to me the secret of the red dot!”
The red dot is mysterious and endlessly elusive. Surely your cat would have a lot of questions if they could only ask. Why can the strange, glowing, red spot never be caught?
5. “You could use some catnip. Isn’t there human-nip?”
Cats can see how stressed we are with our silly human lives, and they know we could definitely use something to mellow out. Unfortunately, catnip is for cats.
6. “Significant other? You already have me. I’m pretty significant.”
What’s with all this talk about boyfriends and girlfriends? When you have a cat, you know who comes first in your life. And your cat will never let you forget it.
7. “I told you, we don’t close doors in this house!”
It doesn’t matter if you’re using the bathroom or trying to have a meal without eyes begging for a scrap, closing the doors is not acceptable for your cat. Prepare to have paws swatting at you from below.
8. “For crying out loud, talk like a grown-up.”
All of this baby talk has gotta stop. It’s really high-pitched and irritating, even for a cat. Kitties know when you’re condescending them, and they demand you cut it out.
9. “I’m redecorating. You have no sense of feng shui.”
If you’ve ever wondered why your cat insists on knocking things over, maybe you should consider that your kitty is trying to help the energy flow in your living space. Cats are master redecorators.
10. “You’ll make a good servant when cats take over the world.”
Now that cats can talk, it’s only a matter of time before they conquer us. But you’ve been a faithful servant so far, so there’s no reason you can’t continue your job for our new cat overlords.
What else do you think your cat has been meaning to tell you? Let me know in the comments below!